These Are The Biggest Mistakes Mentors Make
By Anne Stych – Bizwomen Editor, The Business Journals
Hundreds of women will gather in cities across the country on Feb. 24 for Mentoring Monday, an annual event hosted by The Business Journals that brings together women for a “speed dating”-style opportunity to share wisdom, make connections and, in many cases, to meet a new mentor. Register for your local event here.
Ahead of this year’s event, we asked participating mentors a few questions about their experiences with mentoring and mentoring programs. Over the next few days, Bizwomen will share some of the insights and best practices they’ve gleaned from their mentoring journeys.
Today, we asked mentors to share some of the top things mentors should avoid in order to have a successful mentoring relationship.
Being a mentor often means learning on the job. Even experienced mentors haven’t always gotten it right, and those involved in formal mentoring programs may have observed practices that they thought could use some improvement.
Here are some pitfalls our Mentoring Monday mentors caution against:
Thinking mentors have all the answers
Some mentors pointed to the danger of allowing a mentoring relationship to become one-sided, with the mentee looking to their mentor for all the answers.
Danielle Johnson, executive director of Wichita (Kansas) Habitat for Humanity, cautioned against “overshadowing the mentee with ‘I’ and ‘me.’”
“It’s about understanding the mentee — their goals, their challenges, their vibe, and tailoring guidance to fit their journey, not just regurgitating your own path,” Johnson said. “When a mentor bulldozes the conversation with ‘Here’s what I did, so you should too,’ it shuts down creativity, trust and the mentee’s sense of ownership in their growth. It’s important to use your walk and experience as a point of reference, but not the gospel.”
She advises that mentors “be a guide, not a blueprint.”
“Create space for exploration and offer insights with humility,” she said. “Most importantly, remember that mentorship is a two-way learning experience.”
Megan Lawhon, chief operations officer at PLK Communities in Cincinnati, noted the ineffectiveness of “doing the work for someone instead of teaching, coaching and guiding them to learn and grow. This includes allowing your mentees to make mistakes and not trying to catch them before they fall.”
“Prescribing only one path” is a common pitfall noted by Carrie Cox, vice president of Organizational Development & HR Consulting at Allen, Gibbs & Houlik LC in Wichita. “Mentors can be helpful to others by sharing their opinions and experiences while keeping in mind that the right path can look different for someone else,” she said. “Helping others think through options may provide a better solution for the individual being mentored.”
Joy Lytle, president and CEO of the Clermont (Ohio) Chamber of Commerce, said the biggest mistake a mentor can make is assuming their role is to provide all the answers instead of guiding the mentee to find their own.
“A great mentor listens more than they talk, asks thoughtful questions, and empowers their mentee to develop confidence and problem-solving skills,” Lytle said.
“Mentorship isn’t about imposing your own path or solutions but guiding someone to discover their strengths and navigate their challenges,” said Kristin Lanzarone, CEO of WrapStar Pro in Sacramento, California. “When mentors dominate the conversation or prioritize their own agenda, it can stifle the mentee’s growth and confidence. Effective mentors ask questions, actively listen and tailor their guidance to empower the mentee to take ownership of their journey.”